Leaving a Toxic Relationship

 So you're in an unhealthy relationship with a narcissist and you finally understand that the only way to get healthy again is to end that relationship. Well, take it from me, it's going to be messy. Really messy. Narcissists are powerful personalities, often with a loyal following, ego's that huge and fragile and the need to engage an audience.

He won't let you leave the relationship easily.... or peacefully... or without burning down the house.

If there is a way to prepare for this, I never knew it. I just suffered through the grueling experience of leaving a toxic relationship, one day at a time and at some point, the healing began and out of the destruction grew strength and wisdom. Our country is beginning their journey down this road today

In the case of Trump, the election was the first real step in us terminating our relationship with him. His ego had a meltdown and he engaged his friends/bro's to convince us that we'd made a mistake. It's not that Trump thought the relationship would never end, it's just that he needed to be the one to end it - on his terms, in his good time. He painted himself as a victim of us. (Boy, have I been here!)

The "bro-code":  Its not that complicated from what I can gather. The guys friends listen to the reason for their friend exiting the relationship - mostly along the lines "she went crazy and I had to dump her" and they take his side regardless of whether they have opposing thoughts.

Trump... we'll let's assume his Rep. party members (and lawyers) are the bro's. They did a pretty good job of staying loyal, listening to rhetoric about why the country chose to leave him (Trumps version is that they didn't reject him, it's a counting error). But last week, even the bro's turned on him when they acknowledged Biden's Presidency and wouldn't support the mob at the Capitol. They need to be on guard now. You've heard of a woman scorned? Well, a narcissist is worse!

Narcissists need an audience. Trump needs to know people are paying attention to him. Social media gave him an audience, motivated him to push boundaries and when those boundaries were not enforced, he pushed further. And further, without penalty. All narcissists do. It's incredibly frustrating to those in a relationship with them, or trying to leave it.

Moving on is hard. It requires expert guidance and help in formulating and enforcing boundaries. Don't let him in your house almost goes without saying. Almost. In my experience it takes a WAY long time to convince your ex that he is no longer entitled come back into the house! 

The narcissist ex will come back again and again. He'll ask you out for dinner and try to convince you that a friendship with him would be nice. With it will come some half-assed letter the he'll believe constitutes an apology. (It will not read like an apology, but more like a thinly veiled accusation - blaming you for their actions - because narcissists don't seem to actually feel remorse.) Trump WILL come knocking again... Whether he needs you to cheer him on as a reinvented reality TV personality or throw your support behind him (or his offspring) in the political field, he'll expect you to cooperate. 

IMHO, we all need to take a good look at what we want and need in our relationships. I told my ex that he simply didn't meet minimum requirements for friendship. It was part of the healing. And I believe when Trump comes a knocking a the door again, we need to remind him he doesn't meet minimum requirements either.